


Abiding Memories

by AngelArch



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Awkwardness, Friendship, M/M, POV First Person, POV Shepard (Mass Effect), Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-19 01:13:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22002859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelArch/pseuds/AngelArch
Summary: The awkward Commander Shepard hopes that his feelings towards his turian counterpart will simply fade away. Just another fleeting distraction that will die down with time, giving him room to focus on taking down the Collectors.That’s what he keeps telling himself, at any rate.This series of shorts illuminates how Commander Shepard and Garrus Vakarian continue to grow close to one another, their various encounters blurring the lines between “comrades,” “friends,” and “maybe-just-a-little-more-than-friends.” M for nudity and language.
Relationships: Male Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Abiding Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel and Vanguard against the Collectors must face his toughest challenge yet...
> 
> A casual swim with Garrus Vakarian at the base of a small waterfall. As the expression goes, what could possibly go wrong?
> 
> \-----------------------------------------------
> 
> Sometime mid-way through Mass Effect 2
> 
> Based on a dream I once had. Enjoy :)

“Well, isn’t this convenient?” Garrus said as we approached the waterfall.

Might I say, it was. 

We had been on the move for a few days now, on the ground of Antibaar...or Kashyyyk...or maybe it was Druidia. 

Well, whatever it was, I suppose I’d forgotten the name with good reason. Rainforests. Insects. Humidity. And sweat, lots of sweat as we’d once again been tasked with tracking down the ever-illusive Collectors by the equally-Illusive Man. The planet wound up not having as much as a pile of Collector dung on it, just a wild goose chase at the end of the day. But the sting of frustration we felt when this was realized was not my abiding memory of that planet. Not even in the slightest.

It was the blessed relief from the sun and our thirst. It was both the reminder and the solution to the fact that neither of us had had a decent shower in days (although it felt like months).

The waterfall. 

“Spirits, you’ve found us some clean water,” Garrus seemed to say to me amongst his salivating. “You sure know how to treat a man.” 

I didn’t even respond, however, as I lumbered like a zombie towards the water’s edge, knees buckling as I cupped my hands into a scoop. I plunged this organic scoop into the water and gaped as I brought it to my mouth, the crisp, refreshing elixir slithering down my neck and nourishing me from the inside. Garrus took a leaf out of my book and together, on our knees, we splashed ourselves and each other, hands diving in and out of the pool for drink after drink. Looking back, it was no Niagara Falls. Just a couple of weirs cresting about eight feet high into a mildly swirling pool of waist-deep water. But the underwhelming nature of this gift that had been bestowed upon us was wholly overshadowed by the enormity of its mere discovery.

“This is the most glorious water I’ve ever seen,” I gasped loudly over the sound of the rushing currents.

“This is the most glorious THING I’ve ever seen,” he quipped.

“Yeah,” I chuckled, leaning back and sitting my behind on the soft dirt alongside the water’s edge, my palms behind me and facing the ground, my eyes scanning the surface. Garrus assumed an upright position, still on his knees against the water. He was perched up in a way that suggested a sense of intensity as he gazed upon the pool, in that way that always made me wonder what was running through that intent mind of his.

“It sure is tempting,” I continued. “I just want to take a bath in that for about five days.”

“Why don’t we?” Garrus responded suddenly, looking behind to me with the same look of intensity and determination.

“It sure would be nice,” I scoffed, fully remembering our lagging colleagues. Jacob and Liara (herself taking time off from playing Shadow Broker to join in on the action like the good ‘ol days) staggered behind us, as we’d decided to take two seperate paths to cover more ground and then reconvene as one. We all had trackers, so there was no real danger of us getting completely separated from each other in this fairly benign part of the rainforest, but still. They probably wouldn’t appreciate having to wait for us two clowns to finish a bath if they suddenly showed up.

“No, seriously,” the turian insisted, however. “Just a dip. We earned it after all this time in this sauna. Besides, Shepard. You humans REEK when you sweat.”

“Thanks buddy,” I chuckled, pretending to be taken aback. “You know, you aren’t exactly a walking air freshener yourself.”

“Ouch,” Garrus eyed me, dramatically clutching at his chest. “That burned me!” he mockingly winced before looking back towards the water. “But I’ve got just the thing to cool off!” he shouted as he got up, arms stretched outwards at his sides.

“Right,” I shook my head and smiled at his almost juvenile excitement. “And what about our lingering comrades?”

“Jacob and Liara? Well they can...uhh...join the fun when they get here,” Garrus said, wiping the dirt from his shins. 

“Jacob? Having fun? Are you sure we’re talking about the same man here?” I chuckled as I struggled to get up, my creaking knees being ever so uncooperative. Once I rose, we both faced the water. Both hot, sweaty, and, at least in my case, a bit nervous. I took a deep breath in. I guess there’s no deflection I can employ now, is there?

Calm Shepard, I thought to myself as I exhaled through my nose. I’ve fought Saren and I’m currently fighting the Collectors. I’ve punched geth, krogan, and a small, female reporter to get what I want. Don’t crack under the pressure now. It’s just Garrus. My friend. Alone. Out here. Ready to take off his shirt in front of me.

This is fine, Shepard. Guys take shirts off in front of each other all the time. See, Garrus is taking his off right now, and he’s having no trouble...wait, no. He’s struggling…

Yeah, he’s struggling, struggling to peel that tight, form-fitting shirt off that heavily toned, turian carapace of his. That armour-like carapace, the shell whose job it is to probably keep those muscles in check, to keep them from escaping. That body of his, one that ripples like a sack of pythons and admittedly puts mine to shame…

Alright, I guess now’s a good a time as any to come clean about this. I’d been crushing on Garrus for quite some time now, and this was not helping. But...but could I forgive myself if I squandered this moment? The temptation to see this through was simply too strong to back down now.

With that, I flung my own shirt off. Sure, I’m fit, but I certainly couldn’t compete in size or mass with the likes of Jacob. After seeing Garrus’ gun show, I had to fight the urge to suck in my gut. As if that’d make a damned lick of difference...

But I digress. Here we were. Together.

I paused to feel the cool sensation rushing over me, the misty breezes from the waterfall mingling with the moisture on my shirtless skin, ushering away the rainforest’s draining heat and bringing about a sense of lightness, complementing the rush of adrenaline I was succumbing to at that very moment. With a deep breath in, I became alert to everything in my surroundings...especially to the half-naked C-Sec agent standing in my midst.

Damn, he’s so close to me, I can almost touch those rippling muscles of his! I stared straight on, indulging in this mental game of mine. Okay, obviously I can’t stare directly at him, otherwise he’ll know I’m a creep. So I’ll...I’ll keep my back to him?

Yeah, and make him think I’m avoiding him like a leper, you idiot. No, no, no, that won’t do at all. 

Okay, Shepard, keep your body forward...no, angle it towards him a little bit. Yeah, that’s good, and hands...hands on hips, yeah. That seems natural...enough. Look at the scenery, beginning at the right and scan the water, look at the waves, look at the rocks, the trees. Keep looking left, there’s a bird, another tree, and...okay, slow down, Garrus is coming into sight. Slowly...three...two...one...and LOOK! Face, shoulders, chest, abs, ass, calves, and look away. 

Top to bottom, nice and smooth, see? That wasn’t so bad. Hell, we’re friends. Surely the odd glance would be acceptable, if not expected, no? Or maybe two glances? Or four? Or ten?

Goddammit! Stop staring, you cretin! I’m about as subtle as an elcor in a china shop. He’s so going to know. In fact, yeah. He’s looking at me. You blew it, you total, colossal…

“Shepard,” he started, looking straight at me now. 

“Yes…” I sighed, face red as I held my eyes now firmly to the water with laser-guided precision, checking the mental reprimands I was giving myself.

“I can’t believe it,” he continued, jaw dropped and almost in shock. Oh boy, here it comes. Time to deploy my defensive “how-dare-you-accuse-me-of-staring!” expression, one I’d mentally practiced a shameful number of times.

“I can’t believe how...how perfect that tree is to hang our clothes on!” he shouted, pointing above my head. Immediately, I followed his finger and turned around to face the tree directly behind me, one with low-lying branches.

“What...err, why yes!!” I said enthusiastically, regaining my composure and wiping the sweat from my brow. “Yes, this tree is satisfactory. I shall hang our shirts upon that branch right away,” I continued robotically. 

“Satisfactory.” Smooth, Shepard. Smooth.

Shaking my head, I took my shirt in one hand and reached out to Garrus with my other hand, offering to take his own deliciously sweaty shirt.

“Here, hold on,” he said, placing his damp shirt in my hand, perfectly folded in true Garrus Vakarian fashion. “You can take my pants as well.”

“Sure,” I nonchalantly began. “I’ll set them up on that...wait. Pants?”

“Well, yeah!” he chuckled as he reached down to undo the unfathomable buttons on his trousers, the buttons designed with long, sharp talons in mind. “I don’t fancy marching in soaking wet pants when we get out. It’ll chafe your thighs like sandpaper.”

As I wondered how a man with a thigh gap like his could possibly worry about chafing, I made a note to angle my head upwards and away from him. Is this a test? Is he teasing me at this point? Is he really going to take off his...

“Here ya go,” he said, his immaculately folded pants now in my hand after just a matter of seconds. “Without further ado, cool refreshment now awaits me,” he announced as he steeled himself before taking for the water, giving a “Woooo!” as he jumped in. I couldn’t see him, not wanting to get caught looking any further. Instead, still shellshocked from it all, I focused on the task at hand, though it was difficult to not look over once I’d heard the splash.

I approached the tree. First, my shirt, balled up and crinkled in a way that would give the pedantic turian an aneurysm if he saw it. I threw it up on a branch. Next, his shirt. I couldn’t replicate his meticulous folding pattern if he gave me two years to copy it, so I carefully draped it on another branch just as it was, careful not to disturb the creases. Finally, his pants. Using the same approach as his shirt, I delicately laid it on yet another branch when...it fell apart. 

Well, part of it anyway. I gasped, wondering if turian pants came in multiple pieces and that I somehow “broke” it. Lying on the dirt, I frantically snatched up the bit of fabric that had fallen. Hmm...some sort of inner lining, almost like...boxers? 

At that moment, I swung around, and that’s when I knew. That was his underwear. And Garrus was completely naked. In the pool. The pool he had just invited me into.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Elation and panic simultaneously consumed me. My eyes widened. My breath shallowed. My knees weakened as I reflexively threw up his undies on a branch, looking to get rid of them like they were on fire. 

Sure, it was the practical thing to do, and Garrus was big on practicality. If you’re going to swim without pants, you might as well strip away the underwear too. No sense in having them get soaked, but still. I didn’t bother with the trifles of logic at that moment. I could only allocate the limited processing power my brain had to just figuring out what to do with myself.

“You coming in? The water’s fine!” Garrus shouted, looking back to me, waist under the water. “I haven’t peed! Yet!”

“Ohh...well, I’ll kick your ass if you do!” I yelled back. Mock threats of physical violence. That never fails with him when I’m lost for words.

With that, I snapped back to attention. It seemed I could only calm either by erratic breathing or my trembling hands, not both. I chose to steady my hands as I fumbled with my button and zipper. I gave a small sigh of relief as my heavy trousers seemed to fall gracefully down on their accord. As with my shirt, I simply tossed them on a branch. Looking to curtail the sense of stage fright that was quickly coming over me, I rushed to get my boxers off. With those, too, now lackadaisically thrown up on the tree, I could breathe easily at last. It seemed like undressing was the biggest barrier to overcome.

I turned to face the water, feeling the breeze rushing over me and my skin, bared to the world in such an incredibly rare way for me. With my heart beat at its peak, I charged forward towards the water, a smile creeping its way upon my face. As I approached, I bent my knees, positioned to springboard off the ground. No Systems Alliance-trained dives for me. A simple cannonball will do. 

Splash.

“Gee, thanks for that,” I heard the turian sneer at me once I’d surfaced from below the water, both of us wiping our eyes courtesy of my dramatic entrance. He was about ten feet away from me, kneeling so his waist was still below the surface.

“Don’t mention it,” I responded gleefully, hair and face soaked and the smile still on my face. It seemed I’d been reborn from that childish cannonball. The arresting anxiety simmering within my gut had now passed as I let the excitement of it all overtake me. Sure, it was a simple bath, a retreat from the spider-infested sweatbox that was the jungle. But I couldn’t help but feel a sense of naughtiness to it all, us two skinny dipping together like this. And I fully embraced it.

“Bout time you joined me,” Garrus continued. “I had started to think you began folding your clothes the way I do.”

“Don’t flatter yourself now,” I responded, my waist too below the surface. “I’d still be up there, working on that clothing origami that you call ‘folding.’”

“Don’t knock it!” he cried. “If there’s one thing Mama Vakarian taught me is how to get 23% more space out of a dresser using the ‘Cipritine Fold.’” 

“And here I am, not even surprised that you calculated that,” I laughed. 

“I don’t have to take this, y’know,” he smiled, dramatically turning away from me in the water. “If you need me, I’ll be in the ‘shower,’” Garrus finished, pointing ahead of him towards one of the waterfalls.

I chuckled to myself as the turian departed. I waded about, dunking my head in and out of the water as I continued my passive ablutions. As I surfaced a final time, I couldn’t help but notice Garrus making his way to the waterfall. As he positioned himself underneath it, he stood upright. Immediately after doing so, I became arrested with a sight that I’ll be forever able to conjure back up in my mind’s eye.

Him standing perfectly erect, his sculpted back to me as he let the currents pass over him. The water trundling down, following the path of least resistance over his head and shoulders, streaming down his spine and flowing over his ass, coursing its way down his thighs until every droplet rejoined its family back in the pool, ready to regale the other water molecules with the sightseeing tour its just had. His ass and hips were classic turian. Bony, pronounced, accentuated by the slender waist, and completely irresistible. His body rippling as he stretched his arms to wash himself, with bones jutting out in shape and location completely foreign to any human anatomy expert. Definitely alien, definitely exotic, definitely intriguing. As he turned to look down towards the water below, I caught another glimpse of that rakish face of his, perfectly complementing the teasingly concealing nature of that carapace, which I decided its purpose was part protection, part modesty. I couldn’t help but feel as if I wasn’t worthy of such a sight, as if I had snuck into a museum and gotten myself a front row view to a watercolor, an ancient masterpiece collectors the galaxy over pay big money just to see up close. But here I was, taking it all in for myself in this private show of mine.

I floated on my back, looking on as I paddled around the water, comfortably confident he wouldn’t see my gawking. However, there was one closeup of this painting that I made sure to steer my eyes away from. It was where the sun wasn’t meant to shine. His wedding tackle. His gentleman’s sausage.

His penis.

Not one stare. Not one look. Not even a wandering glimpse of the shadow of its outline out of the corner of the peripheral of my eye. I figured no such gaping would be excusable, else I’d be a dead man. Besides, the last thing I wanted was to spoil this otherwise pleasant moment with the awkwardness brought on by an, ahem, erection.

And all this shower-scene nonsense wasn’t doing me any favors in that department. Before my blood redirected itself past the point of no return, I shook my head, getting up and making my way toward the smaller of the two major waterfalls, on the other side of the pool as Garrus. In a similar fashion, I stood up and rubbed my face, chest, and back with my palms, fully remembering the point of this bath was to be cleaner when we got out, not dirtier. 

About a minute passed in silence, as we both stood at our stations, letting the water flow around and upon us. The cool water thundered and pounded upon me with such a stark contrast to the pervasive heat that it almost took my breath away. I vainly kept hoping I’d catch the turian glancing over at me, but it was difficult to tell, what with droplets of water burrowing their way into my eyes every time I tried to open them. 

Eventually, I turned as I heard Garrus make his way towards me.

“Whoo,” he said, slowly trudging through the water in my direction, wiping his face and shaking his hands from the excess water. I wiped my eyes as I walked out from underneath my own waterfall. “I feel like I just lost five pounds worth of sweat and dirt off of me,” he continued. 

We both faced each other, in our squeaky clean birthday suits. As I looked him in the face, however, I realized that Garrus apparently didn’t seem to have the same idea about staring as I did. At that moment, I noticed his eyes drift a ways south. A bit too south. When they eventually stopped and became fixated, they visibly widened and he...

...fell silent. He became absolutely speechless.

“Umm...well!” he stuttered, regaining his composure after a prolonged moment of staring, appearing as if every muscle in his body was solely dedicated to keeping his eyes now squarely on mine. “I say we dry off a bit and wait for the others,” he continued with a forced smile. If turians could turn sheet-white, he would have. He quickly turned around, clearly shaken by what he saw. Needless to say, I was a little bemused.

“Uhh, sure,” I responded hesitantly, unsure if I should be self-conscious and pretending to not notice his sudden mood swing. “Sure you don’t wanna hang around a bit longer? I doubt the other two are very close,” I tried to nonchalantly continue, noting we’d only been in the pool for about ten minutes.

“Uhh. Sure...sure. That’s...that’s a good idea, yeah,” he stammered, still looking away from me. “I...will be over here,” he pointed, assuming the role of the galaxy’s most awkward conductor. “And...you can be on that side!” he continued, pointing in the opposite direction.

“You know, it’s not that big of a pool, right?” I responded, my eyes narrowed and lips pursed in suspicion.

“Well, big enough,” he continued. Strangely, I could almost see a vague smirk of his starting to form out of the corner of his mouth. “I’ll give you...some space.”

“Space?” I chuckled, eyebrows raised. “And what would I need space for, exactly?”

“Y’know,” Garrus shrugged, an almost devious expression about him as he turned to face me ever so slightly. “To...calm down a bit.”

With that, I simply narrowed my gaze further and cocked my head, still confused. 

“Y’know,” he reiterated. “You just seem a little excited there, buddy,” he trailed off with a simple nod of his head downwards towards my crotch. “I mean, I’m flattered! But…”

Oh, crap…

I didn’t even hear what else the stuttering alien had to say as my heart sank...no, scratch that. It stopped. I probably died there for half a second and came back to life in time to look down. Did I somehow become erect without knowing? 

WHEWWW. 

No. I was still flaccid. But...I was a little confused.

“Wha...what do you mean?” I nervously chuckled and scratched the back of my neck, trying to hide the internal death I’d just escaped.

“Shepard,” he started, turning to fully face me. “You’re erect,” he said, quite bluntly.

“WHAT?” I asked, puzzled and face fully flushed at this point. I never practiced this expression beforehand, but boy, I wish I did.

“Yeah...you are,” he said with a smirk, making it obvious he was now looking firmly down there.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I said in a bit of exasperation. “What exactly is it supposed to look like?”

Fine, Dammit. If he’s gonna take a good look, then I am too. No more beating around his bush. I’m going to see his forbidden fruit at last. That turian todger. To behold his meat of man. To take in…

...absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. 

His pelvic area, exactly where his penis would be, was completely barren.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

“What....” I began, completely failing to hold back my amazement as I gaped, mouth and eyes wide at his (lack of) penis. Exactly what intelligent thing could I possibly follow this up with?

“Are you...are you a woman?” I asked, unsure if that came out right. And in retrospect...it probably didn’t.

“WHAT?!” he burst out in laughter, a gasping, familiar sort of laughter that seemed to melt my internal anxiety attack. “Umm, I’m no doctor, Shepard. But last time I took a look under the hood, I’m definitely a man.”

“Then...then where’s your penis?”

“Well, it’s not like I’ve lost it.”

“Well, it’s not exactly blinding me, Garrus,” I barked back wide-eyed, palms opened up towards his vacant crotch. “Where the Hell is it?”

“It’s...where it should be! It’s sheathed.”

“Sheathed?” I asked, scratching my head. “Is that like some sword euphemism?”

“No, you idiot,” the turian smiled at me, dumbfounded. “It’s sheathed. Concealed, covered...not sure what you humans call it when your penis retreats.”

“Retreats…” I slowly repeated. “Nah, I think you have the wrong idea. Our soldiers never retreat from the battlefield, my friend.”

“They...don’t?” Garrus asked, his inquisitive mind obviously churning away. “So they...just hang out there like that?”

“Yup!” I asked, feeling strangely proud to have had the honor of being Garrus’ anatomy-class partner. 

“Doesn’t it get, like, cold like that?

“Nope!” I remarked. “Not really. And this is flaccid, keep in mind. Not...erect.”

“Hmmmm,” Garrus satisfyingly hummed with his hand to his chin, happy to have added a new addition to his library of knowledge. “See, I saw it out there like that and I thought it was. But I see now, I see how it’s all droopy like that.”

“Well, hanging down. Yeah.”

“And quite small.”

“Well,” I started in a huff. “It’s kind of cold out.”

“Not really. We’re in a rainforest.”

“There...there’s a breeze,” I stammered before quickly changing the subject. “Alright, your turn for show-and-tell.”

“Okay,” Garrus sighed loudly. “I mean, it’s hidden at the moment.”

“Hidden?” I asked. “Hidden where? Your stomach?” I continued to Garrus, who had a completely blank expression.

“The Illusive Man spent billions bringing you back to life, thinking you are the galaxy’s last hope,” he began calmly. “And you think that turians keep their penises...IN THEIR STOMACHS?”

“I DON’T FRIGGIN KNOW!” I shouted, on the verge of laughing.

The turian couldn’t help but crack a wide, ol’ smile at this thought. He shook his head, gave a quick glance over both shoulders to make sure no one was coming, and waved me closer to him.

We stepped significantly closer, now just about a foot from each other’s face.

“It’s in the same area as yours,” he said, lowering his voice a bit and taking a talon and circling an area of his dark pelvic area. “Get closer. You’ll see.”

“Is this some...weird invitation to something?”

“Just do it, Dammit,” he snapped.

“Alright, alright,” I barked.

I couldn’t help but raise my eyebrows at this suggestion, but, figuring I’d never get a shot to do anything like this again, I followed his lead. I bent over a little but stopped, looking up at him as to check to see if what I was doing was acceptable to him. He nodded, telling me to proceed. With that, I got REAL close, eyes inches away from his pelvis. If I had a magnifying glass, I’d probably be using that.

Then, I noticed something. That smooth, blank area wasn’t so smooth anymore. Running vertically right down the middle was a darkened seam of some sort, difficult to see against the dark pigmentation down there even in broad daylight.

“Wait, I think I see...here?” I asked, pointing. 

“Yeah, my ‘goddel-flaps.’”

“Okay, you expect me to know what those are?” I quipped, looking back up to him. The cool turian simply rolled his eyes. Without warning, he took my hand in his and placed my fingertips upon the seam that was inches in front of my face.

At first shocked by his forwardness, I became so entranced with this interactive physiology lesson that I ignored the strangeness of the situation, gingerly at first but then firmly rubbing the flaps up-to-down, even daring to poke my finger slightly between them, essentially inside of him. A leathery sort of texture to it, definitely softer and more malleable than the rest of the area. 

“Ohh,” I uttered, still captivated by the sight. “So this is where the magic happens, ehh?”

“Yup,” Garrus said, standing still and staring off into the distance. “As us turians say, its where the ‘curtains open up and the show begins.’”

“Hehe,” I giggled, smiling at that. “So all turians have these then. These, ehh, ‘goddel-flaps’ are what conceals your penis, right? Like, it’s tucked away in there, somewhere?”

“Uhh, yeah,” he seemed to moan, now nervously chuckling and appearing to be a bit distracted. “Don’t rub there too much there though, Commander.”

“Why not, what happens?” I asked blankly, looking back up.

“What do you think?” he bluntly answered.

“Ohhh,” I realized. As much as I’d like a show right now, perhaps now wasn’t the best time. 

With that, I took my hand off, feeling an odd sense of accomplishment and thrill from getting this close to him. I had to choke down a giggle as I stood back up to face Garrus. I couldn’t quite say for sure, but it almost seemed like he was smiling from the experience as well, if a bit flushed.

“Well, ehh, thanks for the anatomy lesson there!” I nervously scoffed, rubbing the back of my neck again but looking straight into his eyes.

“Sure, sure. Anytime,” he chuckled, also visibly a bit nervous but warmly looking back. 

We both lightly grinned and fidgeted as I, and I imagine he too, pined for words to follow this up with. How exactly do you top this?

“Well,” I began with a deep breath. “I suppose you aren’t going to ask to touch my penis now, are you?”

“THE HELL HE AIN’T!” we then heard a booming male voice project from the wilderness. 

We both spun around to find an wide-eyed Jacob Taylor and a purple-from-blushing Liara T’Soni appearing from the trees.

“Oh shit,” the two of us swore in chorus. The dirty and exhausted Jacob and Liara proceeded to furiously swat at branches and leaves in their way until they trudged right up to the banks of the water, arms crossed and staring us down.

“We get drenched in sweat, with snakes looking to crawl up my ass and half a ton of mud up my nostrils,” Jacob yelled. “And return...TO THIS?!”

“It’s...it’s not what it looks like,” I responded weakly, the spotlights now burning down upon us.

“Well, what it LOOKS like is two grown-ass naked men feeling each other up in a whirlpool in the middle of the Goddamned rainforest!” the exasperated Cerberus operative shouted.

“Yup,” Garrus slowly nodded his head. “That’s...you pretty much hit the nail on the head there.”

With that, Jacob waved a hand at the both of us and turned around, heading back into the forest. Liara began to follow suit before turning around to address me.

“Umm, Shepard,” she calmly began. “A word with you, perhaps, once we get back on the Normandy?”

“Sure thing, dearie!” I called back, now buckling my knees and feebly using my hands to cover up my private parts.

The asari scientist gave out a large huff before turning around once again, back to follow Jacob into the woods, leaving Garrus and I silent together.

Very silent.

“Soooo…” Garrus finally called out long after the coast was clear.

“Yup…” I simply said, lips pursed and shaking my head.

With that, the two of us marched towards the bank to retrieve our clothes.

“By the way…” he continued, sluggishly powering forward through the waist-high water.

“Mhm?”

“You and Liara...you’re still technically dating, right?”

“Yes Garrus,” I responded with a sigh. “Yes, yes we are.”

“Hmm,” he trailed off before a small moment of silence. “Well, good luck with that.”

“Thanks bud,” I replied, weakly.


End file.
